I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Princesses don't give blow jobs
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
