The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
