I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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