I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
