as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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