yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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