She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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