So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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