I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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