bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
