we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
