can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
