I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
