Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
