pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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