What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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