Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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