clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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