It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
