some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
