epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
