this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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