I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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