I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
