I'm going to jail i love you
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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