I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize