I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
