There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
