Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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