The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
