New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
