what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
