so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
