singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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