FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
