worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You pole danced in your parka.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
