I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize