eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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