3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize