This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
