Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
