I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
