there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
