Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize