Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
