saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
