Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
