Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
