I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize