yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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