Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
