I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
