I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
third nipple confirmed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
