I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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