I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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