UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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