I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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