Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
