Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
