They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
