Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
