How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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