Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
