dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
